How to emphasize understanding, respect and collaboration when you come from different backgrounds.
By Kristin Withrow, CSDA Communications Specialist
Are you fortunate enough to have a career surrounded by colleagues that always agree and work seamlessly together? If so, go grab a lottery ticket because you are one of the lucky ones. The truth is co-workers come from a variety of backgrounds with diverse internal biases and lenses for seeing the world, with a myriad of reactions to the pressures imposed by busy work schedules and deadlines, not to mention the occasional cranky customer or constituent!
People don't always agree, and sometimes the tension can be reflected in our treatment of each other. But, what if we could gain some insight into why we react the way we do? What if we could learn to give some grace to others when the going gets tough? What if we could learn to bridge the gap between us?
Enter Jennifer Edwards, our General Manager Leadership Summit keynote speaker, recognized collaboration and communication expert and successful author of BRIDGE THE GAP: Breakthrough Communication Tools. CSDA Communications Specialist Kristin Withrow caught up with Edwards to discuss her philosophy on how we can all learn to work together and get along.
Why do you think more people find it challenging today to understand and respect one another?
Our nation has experienced a few rough years. Let's just say flat out: we all struggle to like, understand and/or respect some people in the workplace and in our lives. Navigating professional relationships is becoming increasingly clunky. Here are four reasons why:
- Five generations of people work together - Civics, Boomers, Gen X, Millenials and Gen Z are converging in one shared workspace. Each has different philosophical forms of management and leadership and different solutions and reactions to challenges.
- The personal and professional are intermingling in new ways - The rise of social media had already given us a glimpse into people's personal lives. With the warp-speed pandemic shift toward 'work-at-home' in many instances, we're seeing more of our co-worker's lives than we could have ever imagined!
- We are working under the conditions of increasingly polarizing politics, race, culture and media disinformation - Many people avoid having certain discussions for fear of a "perspective explosion." This ultimately makes people less curious, communicative and collaborative
- We're blind that each of us is part of the problem - Sometimes we fail to see how our own preferences, perspectives, lived experiences and personal agendas affect how we communicate. We are unaware of how we show up, why our perspectives are hard-wired, and the energy we radiate.
What is the role of curiosity in forming professional relationships?
We all have a desire to feel, experience, learn and know the world around us. Research shows that as we age our perceptual curiosity plummets as we become patterned in our thinking and behaviors. 'Operationalizing curiosity'- putting it into action - can improve professional relationships because it brings no agenda other than to hear, learn, and connect with others without judgment, bias or assumptions. It allows for a clean slate, innovation, creativity and collaboration to emerge because people are more receptive to the talents, strengths and perspectives of others.
How can we have more curious conversations?
First, curiosity doesn't start by asking questions. That surprises many people when I say it. A famous study found only 7% of what we say matters, the other 93% is found in how we show up: from our energy, tone, presence and listening skills. Show up as someone eager to learn and connect, even if you have a long-term relationship already. Invest in understanding your colleagues and their perspective at a different level by being open to what's top of mind for them.
Have a one-way conversation. Most of us think a curious conversation is a back and forth, like a ping pong game. This can easily turn unconsciously competitive. You say something. I say something. You respond with words that show how you relate and matter.
Restructure this 'one-upsmanship' style of conversation into a more substantive dialogue by leading with curiosity and staying curious. Don't jump in with your own ideas, stories, knowledge and opinions. Ask open-ended questions and follow their energy level. Listen for words that light them up or shut them down and inquire further so they offer details that help you connect.
Use 'Tell me about' as the opening question. People interpret words differently depending on what they are experiencing in the moment. Tell me about is a question that opens up a curious conversation in a safe, unintimidating and non-judgmental way. Tell me about sounds caring, but not sappy or soft. It can sometimes sound precise and analytical, or empathetic and engaged.
What can someone begin doing to 'Bridge the Gap' and make work relationships less challenging and more collaborative?
Take responsibility for how you show up in certain relationships where gaps exist. Honestly assess if you've been present and listened to learn and understand. Have you labeled negatively or made harmful assumptions? We can't force others to change, but we can change. We can choose to let go of issues, show up curious, and with a clear intention to bridge the gap.
Jennifer Edwards, a successful author, engaging speaker, and seasoned coach, is passionate about skilling-up leaders, teams and organizations around the world to have critical conversations, to collaborate most effectively, and develop meaningful influence. Recognized as a Fortune 100 collaboration and communication expert, she coauthored BRIDGE THE GAP: Breakthrough Communication Tools.